eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
