this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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