Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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