judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
