Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
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