would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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