Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
