Your dad touched me again.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
