and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
