Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
