I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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