I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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