Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize