I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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