How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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