6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
