1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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