he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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