the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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