Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
