can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
