how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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