Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
