You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
