i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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