I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Floor bacon is actually really good
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
