FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Green mimosas i think yes
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
