So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
