This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
