when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
