My liver just broke up with me...
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
