I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
