My liver just broke up with me...
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
