Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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