Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
