I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
