Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
