I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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