hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
