I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i think i have two assholes
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
