god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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