Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
