i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
