Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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