she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize