New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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