if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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