I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
