I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
