Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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