What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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