she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
