I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
