My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
