if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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