They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
