I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
