Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
