I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
