if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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