When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
