we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Dicks are not precious.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
