I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
