Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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