I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
two words...techno handjob
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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