yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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