So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
