There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
