We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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