Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he puts the penis in happiness.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
