Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
