My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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