Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
