I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just googled if crying burns calories
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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