I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
