dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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