I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
