Umm I'm too high to move.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
