How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
