I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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