They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
