i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
