I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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