I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize