I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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