Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
