don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
