Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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