Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
