why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
