By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize