I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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