this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
