all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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