i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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