I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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