How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize