i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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