At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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