the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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