Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
