I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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